On January 31, 2011 President Obama signed the proclamation which again declared February as Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.

What is Teen Dating Violence and why is it vital for people young and old alike to understand that young people between the ages of 16-24 are at the greatest risk? Because it can and has resulted in deaths.

Lindsey Ann Burke¹ was murdered at the age of 23; she was a victim of dating violence, at the time of her death she was trying to break the cycle of violence but tragically her former boyfriend Gerardo E. Martinez in a rage, violently took this young woman’s life. The life sentence he now serves pales in comparison to the taking of Lindsay’s.

Lindsay, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a teacher had her life cut short. Since that time her family mobilized people and gathered support to pass legislation to require educating students about dating violence in Rhode Island schools. Sadly, Lindsay Ann Burke is one example of many that teen dating violence kills.

Teen Dating Violence•Dating Violence•Teen Intimate Partner Violence- these are all terms that connote abuse in a social, romantic, or intimate teen relationship. Abuse is a pattern of behavior used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another, (It is important to note that referring to a “pattern” does not mean that a single instance of abuse is not also dating violence.) The term “dating” describes two people, regardless of sexual orientation, who are involved in a relationship, long term or otherwise.

Being trapped inside an abusive relationship at any age is degrading, humiliating, and extremely damaging to one’s self-esteem. When an adolescent is involved, all those emotions are underscored by their own lack of experience with being intimately involved with another person. They are further exasperated by the lack of legal protection in some states, due to their age.

• One in three teens experience some kind of abuse in their romantic relationships, including verbal and emotional abuse²

In many instances, girls and boys alike will remain silent for fear of retribution from their abuser and because they feel they will be judged by their peers and family. The emerging reality is this: incidences of violence in relationships are escalating and lives have been and will continue to be lost if teens are not educated. Furthermore, cell phones, email, and social networking sites have provided convenient and prevalent ways for one person to stalk, bully, and ‘sext’ another, making it even more complex for someone who is being victimized to extricate themselves. Clearly we cannot afford one more minute of public complacency.

In order to eradicate this pervasive syndrome, we need to dispel myths that surround domestic and dating violence -- myths that include blame (“It’s her fault for staying.”) and denial (“That would never happen to someone I love.”), or ones that reinforce what it means to be a “real man” ("Shake it off don't be a sissy.")or who is at greatest risk of abuse ("These things don't happen to people like me.").

Abuse does not discriminate; it crosses every socio-economic and cultural boundary.

One in four women experiences domestic violence in her lifetime.³ It is clear that it can happen to anyone. All too often individuals focus on why a victim stays in a relationship, when in fact a clear cut way to understand is to shift the paradigm toward why an abuser abuses. For teenagers, who are embarking on their first experiences with intimacy, a benchmark for what a healthy relationship looks like, coupled with what unhealthy behaviors look like, will best arm them with the tools necessary to develop successful relationships.

A study commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. and Family Violence Prevention Fund revealed?:
Majority of teens who have been taught about teen dating violence and abuse say it helped them.

• Only 25% of the teens surveyed indicated they had taken a course on relationships and dating at school, but
• Fully three- fourths of those teens who had taken such a course at school (75%) said they learned about the signs of an abusive relationship and now felt confident that they would recognize abuse in a relationship.
• 2 out of 3 (65%) found this class helpful in learning appropriate dating and relationship behavior.
• Additionally the study also showed that:
• Conversations on dating abuse are difficult and unproductive because both teens and their parents are extremely uncomfortable talking to each other about the most serious aspects of dating abuse?.
• Given the results of the study one could also surmise that there is a need to develop training programs for teens to become peer-peer counselors and manage in school advocacy groups to provide support and awareness.

Preventing Teen Dating Violence begins with awareness.
 

Signs of Teen Dating Violence may include:

• Physical (bruising, garments that cover arms and legs, lack of eye contact)
• Skipping classes, falling grades
• Inability to make decisions
• Mood swings and changes
• Experimentation with drugs and alcohol
• Emotional outbursts
• Poor Self-Esteem
• Isolated from family and friends

If you suspect that someone you know is involved in an abusive relationship it is vital to be familiar with steps that will ensure their safety.

The first 72 hours after a break up are the most dangerous for the victim. Understanding the best course of action prior to that split, can save a life.

There are a multitude of resources available on-line and many communities have local organizations that can provide counseling and advocacy.

Here are just a few:

Break the Cycle

Love Is Not Abuse Coalition

Love is Respect

Sources:
¹ Lindsey Ann Burke Memorial Fund

²Carolyn Tucker Halpern, Ph.D. et al., "Partner Violence Among Adolescents in Opposite-Sex Romantic Relationships: Findings From the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health." American Journal of Public Health 91 (2001) 1680.
³Tjaden, Patricia, and Thoennes, Nancy. National Institute of Justice and the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, “Extent, Nature and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from National Violence Against Women Survey 2000

Continue reading on Examiner.com: Waking up to the realities of teen dating violence - San Diego teen dating violence | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/teen-dating-violence-in-san-diego/waking-up-to-the-realities-of-teen-dating-violence#ixzz1D5WA8oOI

Johanna Orozco is loud, funny and by no means modest.

In high school she made good grades and was popular. She kept herself busy with theater and dance.

But none of that kept her from becoming entangled in an abusive relationship that, in the end, scarred her physically and emotionally.

Orozco, 22, recently spoke to students at Sandusky High School, detailing her relationship with Juan Ruiz.

She explained how the relationship morphed from love to bitter jealousy, then to cruelty before she finally broke it off.

Ruiz later shot her in the face after she accused him of raping her.

He's now serving a 27-year prison sentence.

"I don't want any of you to go through what I went through," Orozco told students in a health careers class. "I don't want any of you to go through what Juan's going through. He threw his life away."

Orozco spoke to sophomores in Sandusky High's health classes, as well as health careers students.

Presentations like hers could become more common in schools as they seek to comply with the Tina Croucher Act, approved last year and named after an Ohio teen whose ex-boyfriend shot and killed her in 1992.

"Tina's Law" adds dating violence to the definition of "harassment, intimidation or bullying."

It requires schools to add dating violence prevention to the curriculum in grades seven through 12, and also requires staff to receive training so they can recognize and prevent such violence.

 

Widespread abuse

Abusive relationships among teens is widespread but often overlooked or minimized, according to statistics and experts.

Surveys by the Domestic Violence Center of Greater Cleveland indicate 33 percent of teenagers have been in an abusive relationship or know someone who has been, executive director Linda Johanek said.

"The rate of teen dating violence is alarming," she said. "When we go into schools, what we're hearing from teenagers is how an abusive dating relationship is somewhat normalized among this generation of teenagers."

Stories about domestic violence persist in American culture, inevitably filtering down to teens.

After singer Chris Brown beat Rihanna, half the teens in a Boston survey attributed at least part of the blame to Rihanna.

In Orozco's audience, some girls "oohed" when she said she had met Brown.

She cut them off and took a more strident tone.

"My heart would melt for that guy, but what he did is so wrong. I don't even like him anymore," Orozco said. "Nobody deserves to get hit that way, no matter how cute he is or how much money he has. He was wrong."

 

A local battle

Sandusky Schools is complying with Tina's Law by adopting the Ohio School Boards Association's model policy.

With its staff trained, Sandusky Schools is implementing programs in eighth grade and covering the topic in consumer and family science classes at the high school, superintendent Tom Tucker said.

"Some of our students consider, quote, 'dating' early on," Tucker said. "When they get the information early, we can follow up every year."

Dating violence is present even in the most quiet, rural high schools, as Margaretta High students discovered.

In an informal survey of 65 Margaretta High students, 29 percent said they've been physically abused and 15 percent sexually abused.

The school's health teachers and guidance counselors are taking an online course in dealing with dating violence, superintendent Ed Kurt said, and there's a new statement in the student handbook about dating violence. The topic will be added to the curriculum for eighth- and ninth-grade health classes.

There's also a student initiative at Margaretta. Students in the family relations class wanted to address the problem after completing a unit on abusive relationships.

So they researched the topic, surveyed fellow students and put together an awareness week for January. They've put up posters and make daily announcements about statistics and resources for help. Each day two of the students from the class wear attention-grabbing red T-shirts printed with numbers for an anonymous hotline.

The students said they were shocked when they saw the numbers that came back from their survey because physical violence is not visible at school.

"People just kind of tend to overlook it," said Shelby Kromer, a senior.

The school's ability to respond to the problem is limited because so few people report that anything is wrong, Kurt said. An awareness week can help by reducing the stigma and providing other avenues to get help.

"No one talks about it, but when it's anonymous, it starts coming out," Kurt said.

Students may also be more receptive to hearing the anti-violence message from their peers, he said.

 

Teens helping teens (SUBHED)

That is one thing the Domestic Violence Center of Greater Cleveland has found in conducting educational programs and focus groups. So they try to send young people like Orozco to speak in schools and try to educate teens to help their friends.

"One of the things the Crouchers say is they never knew their daughter was in an abusive relationship, but many of her friends knew, and they didn't say anything," Johanek said.

Teens can tell their friends that abuse is not their fault, they deserve better and they should tell an adult. If the person being abused won't tell an adult, a friend should, even if it means losing the friendship, Orozco said.

"She will love you and thank you for it for the rest of her life," she said. "So it's worth it."

 

Tina's Law (SUBHED)

Orozco lobbied for Tina's Law and another law that allows juveniles to apply for protection orders, a tool that was not available to her when Ruiz stalked her after she dumped him.

The Domestic Violence Center of Greater Cleveland is part of the Tina Project, a collaborative that will assist schools in 11 Northeast Ohio counties in complying with Tina's Law.

The law is good but not perfect, Johanek said.

"It recognizes the importance of teen dating violence and recognizes how pervasive it is," she said. "I think the weakness of the bill is that a school could do a very bare minimum and say they're in compliance."

One of the most effective activities is bringing in speakers who can provide testimony.

"We had over 100 teens come forward on the spot," Johanek said about one event last year. "After we leave, we get more reports from the schools, who say that other victims have come forward."

That happened when Orozco visited Sandusky High School, said Patsy McKenna, health careers instructor.

"I think it motivated a few people to talk to some teachers," she said. "I'm aware of a few that had some conversations with people."

The students who listened to Orozco said having schools address dating violence specifically could help.

"They should have programs for kids who are getting abused," said Megan Tapp, a senior.

Tapp once had a friend in an abusive relationship but didn't say anything. After hearing Orozco's story, she said she would be more inclined to encourage a friend to break up with an abuser or tell an adult.

Senior Tremaine McCarthy also said he knew a girl in an abusive relationship. Her mother eventually sent her to another school.

"I think if you go in depth about it, they'll learn and not get into those situations," McCarthy said. "Don't beat around the bush."

In case anyone was not aware, February is now considered National Teen Violence Awareness & Prevention Month. This is a huge deal since most of society wishes to squelch our teens voices from ever being heard.  I know this because I raised four teens myself, Lisa not ever making it out of hers. Raising teens was not an easy task.
I ask everyone who reads this to remember our teens in February...let them be seen, let them be hears. 
Our motto: Tell your teen...they are LOVED!  So many teens forget this or perhaps don't know this.
Do something wonderful for you teen.  Talk to them, hug them, take them out to a special dinner or a movie.  Ask them if they'd like to go out.  (They may decline but I'm guessing they won't)If you can't afford a special dinner or movie, maybe have a movie or special dinner night at home will be suffice.
Anything to make the teen feel loved.  I'm not saying let them do whatever they want.  We're still the parents!  But most of all...tell them they are loved somehow in a way that is special to you and to them.
If anyone has any ideas, please comment with them as I have only touched a couple items.

The Lisa M Tyler Memorial Fund is wishing everyone a Merry Christmas full of peace. Especially to our families who have lost a child for whatever reason. Every day is a difficult day for the families to endure, the holidays being no different. Please remember, your in our thoughts and our prayers...your loved ones. We all try to go on another day with our children's memories at the back of our minds, they never leave. For some it's an ever bittersweet time as they lost their child near the Christmas Season or their birth is in the Christmas Season. This can add on that much more pain and sorrow. We are also thinking of you this time of year. What would our loved one have us do? Go w/ the pain, ignore the pain? Put on a happy face for the sake of others? I don't have an answer for that one. Just remember to be true to yourself during these difficult times. Let your feelings be what they are because you are the one who matters. God Bless you all at this time most trying time of year

Our prayers go to this young woman and her family.  It is beyond words how this can go on day after day after day.  Murder is not the answer!  We must as a society find one that is!!!!

ELMIRA, NY

A 35-year-old Elmira man has confessed to fatally stabbing his pregnant 19-year-old girlfriend Monday morning. Arteamus R. Wells, originally from Georgia with an Elmira address of 384 Norton St., was arraigned Monday night in Elmira City Court in front of Judge Thomas Ramich on a second-degree murder charge. He was sent to Chemung County Jail without bail. He is scheduled to reappear in court this morning.

Police identified the victim as Erin Jade Smith, of 430 Hathorn Court. Wells and Smith had been in a relationship and Wells was staying at her residence, Elmira Police Capt. Joseph Kain said in a news release.

Police responded to Hathorn Court after the Chemung County 911 Center received a call shortly before 10:30 a.m. from a person who reported concerns for Smith's welfare. Elmira Police officers responded and found Wells attempting to enter the residence, according to a news release. Police found Smith inside and said it was clear her death was a result of a homicide.

Wells told officers at the scene he was responsible for killing Smith, and later, he confessed again to investigators, police said in a news release.

According to court documents, Wells reportedly choked Smith with his arm, stabbed her with a pair of scissors, wrapped an electrical cord around her neck and strangled her.

Wells has an extensive criminal history and has a case pending in Domestic Violence Court that involves a different woman. He missed a Sept. 30 appearance in that case and a warrant was issued for his arrest.

Terri Bush, of Hathorn Court, was home Monday morning and said she heard screams coming from the direction of the victim's apartment at about 10 a.m., the time police said Smith was killed.

Bush said she looked out her back door toward the area where the screams were coming from and saw a woman standing outside shouting "He murdered her!"

Bush, who has lived at Hathorn Court for almost five years, said Smith was about five months pregnant, had lived in the apartment for less than a month, and was eager to learn her baby's gender.

Smith has family members living in a nearby apartment building, but they declined to talk to reporters about the incident.

The victim's brother, Aaron Smith, however, reportedly told Bush's relatives -- who were friends of the victim -- she was killed by her "on-again, off-again" boyfriend, who was apprehended by police shortly after the killing.

"The baby was his and he didn't want her to be pregnant. After he killed her, he called her sister and said 'I just murdered your sister,' " Bush said. "There were hundreds of people outside after it happened. It was a pretty emotional scene."

When neighbors Walter and Helena Pound left their apartment for an early Monday morning appointment at the Chemung County Department of Aging and Long Term Care, all was quiet in their section of Hathorn Court, where the elderly couple has lived for the past three years.

But when they returned shortly after 10 a.m., the scene surrounding their apartment was anything but quiet.

In addition to the many onlookers and a New York State Police cruiser stationed at the scene, several marked and unmarked Elmira City Police Department vehicles were parked on either side of the apartment building. Yellow crime scene tape blocked the homicide scene and the apartment where the Pounds lived.

"This area is generally really quiet and not like the section of the Court where we used to live," Helena Pound said. "When we returned from the Office of the Aging, it was still quiet. But all of a sudden, there were cops all over and people were everywhere."

The Pounds learned what happened after Walter, a former Hathorn Court security officer, was told by his former co-workers that a stabbing had taken place. The incident, the couple said, increased their resolve to keep to themselves and ensure their doors are locked at all times.

"She was a good neighbor. The only noise we heard her make was when she was putting up her curtain rods," Helena Pound said. "It's too bad something like that had to happen to her. There aren't enough good people around."

Like the Pounds, Bush said having someone killed so close to her apartment was unnerving. Her daughter Jennifer White, who lives on the other side of Hathorn Court near Woodlawn Avenue but was at her mother's apartment after the stabbing, had a similar reaction.

"It makes me not want to live here," White said. 'There was another stabbing up here a few days ago and I live near the apartment where (Maurice Davis was killed in 2008 by a stray bullet as he slept in his bed). But this part of Hathorn Court was quiet and that's what was so shocking. The poor girl was so young."

A few weeks ago was the 4th anniversary of my daugther, Lisa Tyler's, murder.  I ,unfortunately, let many teens down that day by being hospitalized. I have since forgiven myself for letting the teens down because they didn't have a clue as to who I was anyway and I spoke w/ the school councelor asking her to present my Teen Violence Awareness and Prevention day for me. She did so, so there, the teens really weren't let down.  Since then also...every counselor or Dr. I speak to (and some friends) keep asking me..'Do you feel like hurting yourself right now?'   I say 'no' but what I want to say is this, 'Due to the untimely and violent death of my precious 18 year old daughter Lisa, I have done nothing but hurt you see.  My pain at times is unbearable it takes my breath away.  I am always hurting...just by being here you see.  I must force myself at times to not think of her, to say to myself, she's just in another room or at a friend's...she's just not here right now!  Do you SEE???  Then it hits me in the face, I AM hurting right now!  I will always be hurting myself right now until I finally get to see Lisa face to face in heaven where she is right now!  She is there because of a callous, violent death that should never have happened in the first place...because she wanted to be loved by a boy...not just her mother, father, sisters, and brother. (And countless other family and friends).  I am hurting when I talk of her about what our family has done with The Lisa M Tyler Memorial Fund and people say to me, 'Who?, Oh, I'm not familiar with her or that organization.' Oh, how I am hurting myself when I hear that because I work so hard wither her organization, with her memory, talking to teens of teen violence. Talking to anyone and everyone I can of her experience, begging teens to stay safe. Giving out scholarships in her memory. Trying to hock wares to raise funds for teen violence education and scholarships.  'Who? Oh, I'm not familiar with that organization?  Is it local?'   Yes...you see???    So, the next time you want to ask someone 'Do you feel like hurting yourself right now?' stand back just one more second and realize, the question is almost obsolete as that person is already hurting themselves by fighting to staying alive.

Annie's Mailbox

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: When a child dies, the world stops for that family, and the holidays become a time of painful remembrance rather than a time of celebration. The 14th Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 12 marks a day where families around the globe light candles in remembrance of all children who have died, regardless of age, cause of death or ethnic origin. The Worldwide Candle Lighting has grown from a small Internet remembrance into what may be the world's largest mass candle lighting, with hundreds of formal services open to the public and tens of thousands of candles being lighted in homes with friends and family.

The Compassionate Friends self-help support organization for families grieving the death of a child invites everyone to join in this day of remembrance by lighting a candle at 7 p.m. local time for one hour or by participating in one of the many services being held. A Remembrance Book will be open throughout the day on TCF's national website to post memorial messages. Last year, those messages totaled in the thousands.

To learn more and to view information on services being held around the globe, please visit our national website at compassionatefriends.org or The Compassionate Friends/USA Facebook page, or call 1-877-969-0010.

Thank you, Annie, for helping The Compassionate Friends to spread the word about this day, which is reserved for our children who are loved, missed and always remembered. This day is set aside so that "their light may always shine!" -- Patricia Loder, Executive Director, The Compassionate Friends/USA

Ex charged in NY with murdering Pa. dance student

Your Legal Corner: Domestic violence and dating
Published: Friday, October 01, 2010, 3:00 AM
Updated: Friday, October 01, 2010, 6:29 AM
　Victoria M. Dalton, Esq.　
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that one in 11 adolescents say they have been the victim of physical dating violence.
The CDC also reports one in four teens said they have been exposed to verbal, physical or sexual assault each year.
Familiarity with the signs of domestic violence, as well as basic complaint-filing protocol, will help in addressing adolescent dating abuse.

Prevention of Dating Violence

Prevention initiatives include domestic violence education and defining healthy dating practices.
In New Jersey, a bill is pending which would address teen dating violence. If the bill is approved, dating violence education would be incorporated into the health education curriculum for students in grades seven through 12. Topics to be addressed are warning signs of dating violence and defining healthy dating practices.
Most notably, domestic violence education needs to go beyond the students to teaching their parents. Schools could accomplish this by incorporating their student program into a parent-teacher night. This would be a vital step, because, after all, who but the parents are closest to the child, having a heightened ability to spot or recognize a domestic violence relationship earlier?

Some overt signs to watch for are: unexplainable physical injuries and/or extremely emotional interaction between the adolescent couple.

For the abusers, it's all about the power and control. For the victims, because an abuser may be an average Joe, a football hero or the prom beauty, they may not come forward for fear they will not be believed. Or perhaps a telling victim will risk lowered classroom popularity or status as a result of coming forward.
Ultimately, when you suspect domestic violence, you need to be in your kids’ business to know what to do next!

Filing a Complaint as an Adolescent

The New Jersey Domestic Violence Procedures Manual was established to ensure that the procedures in domestic violence cases are similar in the state, no matter where filed. There are special provisions for teen dating relationships, and when and where to file.
Under Section 2.1.3: A domestic violence victim may be below the age of 18. However, the domestic violence defendant must be over age 18 or emancipated at the time of the offense to be charged under the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act.
But, although a person under 18 years of age and not emancipated who commits an act of domestic violence cannot be charged under the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act, that person can be charged in some circumstances under the Code of Juvenile Justice. This is not the same as filing a domestic violence complaint.
If, based on the information above, you were to file for a civil domestic violence complaint, Section 2.1.1 states a victim of domestic violence must have access to the courts at all times. A victim must never be turned away because of the inconvenience of arranging off-hours relief.
Under Section 2.1.2, a law enforcement officer responding to a domestic must provide the victim with the needed assistance to file for a temporary restraining order (TRO). An officer may not prevent, discourage or postpone a victim from seeking immediate temporary relief merely because the domestic violence occurs after regular business hours.
When visible signs of abuse are present, a complaint must be filed by an officer even when the victim refuses. The state’s need to preserve life trumps a victim's refusal to sign a complaint.
Additionally, the victim's burden is then removed, because the state is filing the complaint against the abuser, not the victim.
If you choose to file a complaint, you do not need an attorney to do so, whether in the court house or at the police station. Alternatively, you may want to retain an attorney well-versed in domestic violence law for when you have your day in court.

Kindly note, Your Legal Corner is meant solely as a guide and should not be construed as legal advice.

Victoria M. Dalton, Esq., is a Family/ Elder Law Attorney, Of Counsel with the Law Firm of Hoffman DiMuzio, 35 Hunter St., Woodbury, N.J. 08096. To contact Victoria, e-mail her atvdalton@hdhlaw.com　or phone　856- 812-0706　or　856-845-8243.

I am always surprised and disgusted at the same time when I hear or learn of what another person has done to one of our teen's to ruin their lives.  This young girl was duped by someone whom was supposed to be a loving part of the family.  A 20 year old boy with no conscious.   A narcissus who has no caring thought as to ruining someone's life.  And shame on the police officer(s) who heard this young ladies plight & turned her away.  Shame on the Emergency Dept crew who neglected this girl by not providing a rape kit for evidence. Counseling to reassure here she is not the one at fault but the VICTIM!  HER RIGHTS were violated for the sake of the perpetrators. (notice perpetrators is plural!)